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Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Ballantine Books; Reprint edition (June 1, 1993)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780449908006
ISBN-13: 978-0449908006
ASIN: 0449908003
Product Dimensions:
5.1 x 0.5 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
101 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#98,828 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As others have noted, this is a great book. It captures people who are too rigid and too perfect. Almost every chapter, I thought to myself, "this is me!" There are solutions in the book, but it will not come easy. Most of the solutions involve awareness (as often in life, you need to be aware of the problem to come up with a solution). This is probably why some reviewers didn't like it. It requires work to be able to change. And change requires awareness. (Want to be more aware in general? This is where meditation helps a lot.) At the same time for us perfectionist, who are hard on ourselves, I strongly recommend, Self-Compassion (by Kristen Neff).
Humbling. I'd like to smile upon those who have been able to admit to themselves that they need help with this subject. I don't know Allan, but he sure does know a lot about me! So far about 92% of what he says resembles me. Some of the characters in his book could easily be replaced with my name. Quite scary.Hope to journey together with all of you!Post any tips or resources, please!Best of luck.
I would recommend this book for anyone who is extremely analytical (ISTJ), because it gives you a real good look at the real world, and how being "perfect" is exacting a cost on your health and mental well-being. The Epilogue reads "In summary, the obsessive personality style is a system of many normal traits, all aiming toward a common goal: safety and security via alertness, reason, and mastery. In rational and flexible doses, obsessive traits usually favor not only survival, but success and admiration as well. The downside is that you can have too much of a good thing....." This book isn't only for people who had disapproving parents when they were children, this drive for perfection is rampant in our American culture. I have read it twice already and have written a synopsis. Its taken a lifetime for me to achieve "perfection," and now it will take a while to dial it back (wink). It also contains a great section if you are not a perfectionist, but living with a perfectionist - how to live with a perfectionist.
I couldn't rate this book at 5 stars simply because I'm not knowledgeable in the subject field and wouldn't know if I was reading one of the best books on the subject - But I did enjoy it, and I think it offers information of value in an easy to read format. I am an obsessive person, with over 65 years of experience in how to implement the lifestyle. I found the author's explanations clear and easy to understand, though his tidbits of actual patient encounters didn't always seem to drive the points home as he might have intended. Several reviewers have commented that the author "offered no solutions or action plans" to address the problems he discusses. On the contrary, he does provide high level guidance on some of the more important issues (there's an entire chapter devoted not the obsessive person, but to the people who have to live with such a person and steps they can take to cope and assist). More to the point, right in the book's preface the author clearly states the book is not intended to offer solutions, rather the intent is to describe and explain the obsessive condition in its many forms. I enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone interested in understanding obsessive behavior in themselves or in others.
I could have used this book any time in the 18 years since it was published, but was particularly ripe for it now, since I've been doing a lot of work with issues of perfectionism and (it turns out) demand resistance. It's well written and goes down easy, at least in my experience -- the author is so nice about those obsessive traits that we've just taken a bit too far, so that they're hurting us. We have been buying multiple copies and passing them out. This is tricky because you can't just hand something to a typical perfectionist and say "you really need this"! Luckily my husband didn't buy it for me, and he didn't give it to me to read, otherwise it would still be sitting on the shelf. (See page 88!) Instead it has become our most important book in a year unusually crammed with important books, and has generated a lot of interest and discussion among the many, many people we know who are "interested in the subject." No coincidence since people who care about doing things right tend to hang around together. Another dozen copies ought to do it, though!
I agree with another reviewer this is not the most hands on book in terms of solutions (it's not filled with practical tips) but I think this is THE first book you should read in case you're looking for help with your obsessiveness. You'll see, clear as crystal, all the patterns and behaviors dissected through definitions and real life examples. You may go after a book with proposed solutions after reading this one but after is the operative word here, as now you understand each of the patterns of obsessive behavior, identified yourself with a few and know exactly WHAT you should focus on.
I have OCD, and this book is great. I have not finished it, but it really resonates with me and helps me to understand myself and my compulsions. I recommend this to anyone whether they have OCD or not. It's very interesting. I am also studying to be a clinical psychologist, so this book is beneficial for me in many ways. Plus it's easy to carry around, and it looks like a plain old novel instead of being glaringly obvious that it's about OCD.
Excellent book. Described me to "perfection" :) I never realized the extent of just how obsessive I was or how much it could affect my habits, relationships, etc. Very eye opening.
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